I am so tired of being creative. All my energy is spent on keeping my head above water. I am fighting the fatigue, stealing sleep, and struggling just to sit upright. It’s not the best time to be tired. Not when you’re in your 20s: These are the full moon of your years. Yet so much is going on in the outside world that needs your energy. This is the time you are supposed to be establishing independence, building a career, making money, and finding love. Everyone is looking up to you to do something. Your country needs you to liberate it from oppressors, your people need you to speak up for them, your family members have emergencies every now and then, and your children look up to you like you’re IT. Meanwhile, all you want to do is REST. Sadly resting is only a beautiful fantasy. You are too broke to rest. Perhaps you’ll do it when you’re 60…if you’re lucky.
Sometimes, I look at my bed and I cry. And I think, ‘I should be in there,’ It’s such a beautiful night, I can hear the crickets, some dogs are barking, and my mind is finally quiet. What better way to be in the moment than to be dreaming?
Reality can be cruel. Once in a while, I get a grasp of how unreal everything is. There I am, drifting through the week, and pretending like everything in my reality isn’t laughable. It’s like a sitcom movie that has been going on for too long, and nobody knows what to expect anymore. The viewers are watching, popcorn at hand, and thinking,
It’s pretty obvious those are some dumb choices. And why the hell are those supporting characters still in the show? Not any more plot twists! Whatever is the script writer on?’
In Once Upon a Time, Rumpelstiltskin says, ‘Magic has a price, dearie,’. I never gave that statement much thought, until I grew up, and started paying. It’s true there is a price for everything…from food, water, homes, attention, love, feelings, and distractions. Above all, nothing has a bigger price than the magic of living. Somebody had to go through some shit load of pain for us to be born… Sometimes, someone even dies for us to be here…
Maybe that’s why babies cry the moment they are born, because deep down they know ‘wtf!’ Humans consider themselves most conscious of all creations. Maybe that’s why life as a human is so costly. Freedom is out of the question. We are always running, chasing, or being chased. The rat race starts when you’re born, and ends when you die. We give meaning to whatever we are doing, and we tell ourselves stories just to feel better. However, deep down we can see the truth for what it really is: An insanity we cannot escape, and somehow we signed up for.